Blessed be God forever!
Hello, reader. I don't need to introduce any more blog posts with, "It's been a while since I've posted anything here," because it's just a given at this point! And I reckon that's ok. :)
In general, my usage of social media/networking has greatly diminished, due to my own choosing to be more involved in the here and now reality of everyday life, without things like Facebook stealing my attention and exacerbating my negative emotions.
My life has changed dramatically since I last posted: the wait for marriage is now a thing of the seemingly distant past, as my sweet love and I were consecrated to each other and the Lord in Holy Matrimony on 7th November, 2015. We lived in Malaysia, worked there, furthered our efforts towards coming to the USA, discovered our sweet baby's life inside my womb!!, moved to the US, and received our baby girl during the Christmas season. It has been a miraculous journey, because our Father only has good plans for His beloved children. He has seen us through every step of the way - in fact, He has made every step possible and filled with grace beyond measure! It only keeps getting better from here, I believe, despite challenges, rough waters, uncertainties, and failings (on our part). These days, my hope is anchored in this One who gives me the grace to say in faith, "Jesus, I trust in You!"
---
I'm just gonna go ahead and publish this one, even though the ending is abrupt...it's at least a little update on where my heart was (at least a little bit) in March of 2017. I'm trying to finish what I start and working more on writing again. Perhaps posting unfinished blog write-ups will encourage me to keep writing more! :)
Saturday, October 21, 2017
Christ Jesus, Victor!
Dear all,
Peace of Christ be with you! It's a rainy day here in Western Pennsylvania. I'd had the privilege of attending Mass this morning, so my day was off to a great start from the get-go. What a gift is our dearest Jesus' Most Holy and Precious Body and Blood. He never fails to pour strength, grace, endurance, virtue, and other unseen gifts into my heart through the Eucharist. I am in a situation these days where I can access daily Mass regularly if I like. That is an answered prayer.
I can't help but rejoice also that my little unborn baby will be receiving Him each time I receive Him. That in itself is a victory of grace!
I haven't written lately. It's been over a year (this, of course, seems to be the obvious pattern in my blogging habits...!). I return today, not only to change the background/design, but to share a simple message that was written on my heart very tenderly and deeply yesterday.
Yesterday, my parents, husband (and Baby!), and I went to the funeral of a dear, dear aunty of ours. We were not related by blood, but since even the time of my mother's birth this lady was a part of our family's lives. She was one of my grandma's closest friends. At the age of 96, she outlived my grandma by 14 years! Phwoo! What a long life on earth. I didn't think I would cry at her funeral because I saw it coming (mainly because of her age!). It seems she'd been quite able to prepare for her earthly departure (most of her friends had passed on, so I think she was almost looking forward to moving on, already!).
--- picking up where I left off (this post was written in September/October I think of 2016)
I remember crying as soon as "Here I Am, Lord" started for the processional hymn. I was deeply touched and filled with many emotions, as happens to many, many people at funerals, obviously!
But what I remember wanting to post about was just the massive Truth God seemed to write on my heart that morning as we prayed for the dear soul of Aunt Gilda - that truly Heaven is so very close to earth - and in the Holy Mass we are literally TOUCHED and KISSED by Heaven, by Our Lord Himself!! I was feeling as though I stood at the threshold, just at the entryway into eternal life with Christ, and He was reminding us that, indeed, The Kingdom of Heaven IS at hand.
So yes, though we die, if we die in Christ, we truly can experience the glory and joy of coming Home to our Father who loves us so dearly He sent His only begotten Son to die for our sake, to bring us into that Kingdom to live with Him forever. What a treasure, what a joy, what an immensely MERCIFUL GOD we have!!
As the Lord has already defeated sin and death and His resurrection has the final say, we can stand in His victory and declare His praise from the Heights of Love - HE IS RISEN, ALLELUIA, and if I live in Him and die in Him, I WILL BE RISEN TO GLORY WITH HIM, TOO!
Amen, amen, amen - Alleluia!!!
Please offer a prayer for the soul of Gilda, and for all the faithful departed. And for all the souls in purgatory most in need of our prayers. May they, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
Peace of Christ be with you! It's a rainy day here in Western Pennsylvania. I'd had the privilege of attending Mass this morning, so my day was off to a great start from the get-go. What a gift is our dearest Jesus' Most Holy and Precious Body and Blood. He never fails to pour strength, grace, endurance, virtue, and other unseen gifts into my heart through the Eucharist. I am in a situation these days where I can access daily Mass regularly if I like. That is an answered prayer.
I can't help but rejoice also that my little unborn baby will be receiving Him each time I receive Him. That in itself is a victory of grace!
I haven't written lately. It's been over a year (this, of course, seems to be the obvious pattern in my blogging habits...!). I return today, not only to change the background/design, but to share a simple message that was written on my heart very tenderly and deeply yesterday.
Yesterday, my parents, husband (and Baby!), and I went to the funeral of a dear, dear aunty of ours. We were not related by blood, but since even the time of my mother's birth this lady was a part of our family's lives. She was one of my grandma's closest friends. At the age of 96, she outlived my grandma by 14 years! Phwoo! What a long life on earth. I didn't think I would cry at her funeral because I saw it coming (mainly because of her age!). It seems she'd been quite able to prepare for her earthly departure (most of her friends had passed on, so I think she was almost looking forward to moving on, already!).
--- picking up where I left off (this post was written in September/October I think of 2016)
I remember crying as soon as "Here I Am, Lord" started for the processional hymn. I was deeply touched and filled with many emotions, as happens to many, many people at funerals, obviously!
But what I remember wanting to post about was just the massive Truth God seemed to write on my heart that morning as we prayed for the dear soul of Aunt Gilda - that truly Heaven is so very close to earth - and in the Holy Mass we are literally TOUCHED and KISSED by Heaven, by Our Lord Himself!! I was feeling as though I stood at the threshold, just at the entryway into eternal life with Christ, and He was reminding us that, indeed, The Kingdom of Heaven IS at hand.
So yes, though we die, if we die in Christ, we truly can experience the glory and joy of coming Home to our Father who loves us so dearly He sent His only begotten Son to die for our sake, to bring us into that Kingdom to live with Him forever. What a treasure, what a joy, what an immensely MERCIFUL GOD we have!!
As the Lord has already defeated sin and death and His resurrection has the final say, we can stand in His victory and declare His praise from the Heights of Love - HE IS RISEN, ALLELUIA, and if I live in Him and die in Him, I WILL BE RISEN TO GLORY WITH HIM, TOO!
Amen, amen, amen - Alleluia!!!
Please offer a prayer for the soul of Gilda, and for all the faithful departed. And for all the souls in purgatory most in need of our prayers. May they, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.
Sunday, July 12, 2015
You in me, I in You - a love that is patient and kind
Lord Jesus, help me to write with love, clarity, focus, and a hopeful heart.
Hello, reader! I've returned once again to this blog. There is a need within me to give from a place in my heart from which I find it's difficult to give. Been in an ongoing stepping process - a walk of faith of some sorts - in these most recent months, and the fruit of it all is so mysterious and hidden; yet I still find that I have some "seeds" in my pocket yet to sow.
For many months now, many opportunities to grow in patience have arisen and come knocking on my door, as though I suddenly had many unwanted guests. However, I do recall asking the Lord to help me grow in faith and other gifts (and I asked Him to do it gently, mercifully, and lovingly!).
He of course is a tender God, more tender than I could ever grasp with my heart, let alone my words! And so, here He has presented me with a trial. A trial through which my heart can most assuredly become a patient one.
Patience. It "is a virtue," they say! Well, it's actually a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22). It's something that comes from having the Holy Spirit in us, active in our lives. After all, what's patience without faith, hope, and love (see 1 Corinthians 13:13)? It can't exist without these virtues, hence why it is called a "fruit" of the Spirit. Patience isn't waiting. As the sign at the Christian Alliance Church near our house says, "It's how you wait." Now, when I read that my initial response was something like, "Ouch!" and a nervous laugh. The truth sets us free, and it can also sting when it touches a sensitive spot in our hearts, as it did mine.
Ever since February of 2014, I have been blessed (beyond words!) to be in a relationship with my dearest, dearest friend. A man I admire, a man I respect, someone who cherishes me, pursues me, knows me deeply, loves me unconditionally; a man who makes me grow more into the "me" that God created. He teaches me, challenges me, encourages me, listens to me, discovers life with me, sees me with pure eyes and a pure soul, seeks my good above his own. And above all he is a man after my Lord's heart. What a treasure, what a pearl of great price!! A gift from Jesus, the first Lover of my soul, the Author of our lives and thus the Author of our little love story. Funnily enough, I didn't choose that we met, or that my vocation to Love would reveal itself to take the form of pursuing married life with my best friend. But I was at a point in life where I was open and abandoned to the Will of the Lord for how He designed me to love and lay my life down on this earth. Again, that was another gift of grace that is mysterious to me. Not in my strength at all, but in His. He seamlessly unfurled a loving friendship in His own time, and it was perfect. The experience was innocent, full of wonder, fresh. Unknown, curious, and always intentional. Ups and downs were present from the start - of course! But so was Grace. The Spirit of Love. Hope. Faith.
Sadly, my thought had been for quite some time, "This is too good to be true! Really...when is this whole thing gonna turn out to be a lie?" PHWECK, what a thing to say! Sad, because I should have known that nothing GOOD is TOO GOOD to be true! That's a lie from satan. Really. To discourage and instill fear in our hearts. If you have a mindset like that, bring it to Jesus and bring that thought to Him and let Him redeem it by His Blood. He has created you for THE GREATEST GOOD!!!! EVER!!! Receive the goodness He gives you, as well as the trials and hardships. His Goodness will always triumph and have the last word, so don't be afraid!!
Anyway, the pure goodness of this new relationship was not shaken, but my faith, hope, and love were and are being tested.
My beloved man and I are separated by oceans. This has been a challenge in our relationship. A GREAT challenge for me personally. I forgot to mention that since January of this year (2015), I have been engaged to this incredible man. Talk about a blessed season of life! And I think it is this reason that makes this time of waiting even more painful, the invitation and door-knocking of brother Patience even more unwanted as a guest. And yet this is crunch time!! This is when the Lord wants us to go deeper into Him, and be conformed in our hearts to Love, most importantly, and to Faith and Hope. I'm just finding it really difficult and that I'm a bit stubborn to fully surrender to the wait that is inevitable in long-distance relationships.
So where shall I place my hope? My faith? In the love of Jesus. In the heart of our Father. In His most resilient, unshakable, and tender Spirit.
And so, in this season, His Word whispers beautifully and true within my heart. The one short phrase within one little verse of sacred Scripture is beating within my heart like blood that pumps life. It is:
"Love is patient." (from 1 Corinthians 13:4)
Love is patient.
God is patient.
God is patient.
God is faithful. He is our Father. He is our greatest Friend, our truest Way, our safest Captain, our most compassionate Ally. He is the One who wants us more than we want to be wanted. And He alone will fill that ache to be wanted and loved. Therefore, He is a patient parent, always listening, always bringing us back to Him, bringing our focus to rest on His gentle face. He is patient.
Is Christine patient? (And that question is not, "Is Christine waiting?" That's a given. It's not waiting. It's HOW WE WAIT.)
I know my answer is at times, thanks be to God, "Yes! By the grace of God I am patient in this or that area." But in this situation, it is a daily - no, more frequently - question and invitation, as my faith is being tested and tried.
However, if I am patient or impatient, does that change the patience, love, mercy, of God? Nope! It never could! He is unchanging, unchangeable, unwavering, unstoppable. He is Love. And Love is patient. So, let me be Love - let me be one with God --
He in me, I in Him!
This is my prayer. To become like Him, to be conformed to Him, to live in Faith, Hope, and Love.
This morning after Holy Mass, I was sitting with Jesus and kept hearing Him call me, "Come to me, come to me, Christine, come to me!" And as I sat there, nothing else mattered but that I was in Him, and He was in me. The image of two living circles meeting - not colliding! -- meeting and being so perfectly one that there was no telling the difference or even seeing two. Only One. And that is an image in my heart that I claim over my entire life, in Jesus' Holy and Precious Name. Let this be my reality. More than words, more than an image. Let it be my life, Lord! "I must decrease, He must increase."
So as I sit here writing and rambling, I want to close with the second clause of that sentence given above from Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. If anything, it tells us more what patience is, and more importantly, what Love is.
For he says, "Love is patient and kind." We are talking about a King and Shepherd, a Prince of Peace, who is not lording power and might in an intimidating way over us, the dumb little sheep that we are. No, He is gentle and kind. In His eyes...are Kindness and Mercy. A Love that beckons, a love that calls, a love that endures when we can't imagine enduring. There is a kindness in the eyes of our Lord that we must never fear.
And so, I am learning that there is a kindness in the plans of our Lord that we must never fear as well! A kindness in the trials and tests He lets us face. For me, that means letting Him love me in the trial period of waiting to be with my beloved fiance. It means opening my eyes to see Jesus Christ in the midst of all the ordinary, mundane realities I face each day. It means finding His greater purpose for this moment, and each moment, and praying to see with new eyes and a new heart.
Therefore I choose to let Patience in, to love the wait, to love IN the wait, to seek the Lord in the wait....to wait upon the Lord with a thankful, hopeful, and faithful heart. That I may be perfected and made whole, in love, to love, for Love. That I may in turn be called by God: "Patient...and Kind." For I am His, and He is mine.
After all, is this not an echo of a deeper yearning, longing, waiting to be with the Beloved? The One for whom we have been fashioned? The One in whom we live, move, and have our being? But cannot yet see face to face? Then may I truly love this little wait, for a glorious reward of a much greater wait with a much greater end awaits us all!
Amen.
Hello, reader! I've returned once again to this blog. There is a need within me to give from a place in my heart from which I find it's difficult to give. Been in an ongoing stepping process - a walk of faith of some sorts - in these most recent months, and the fruit of it all is so mysterious and hidden; yet I still find that I have some "seeds" in my pocket yet to sow.
For many months now, many opportunities to grow in patience have arisen and come knocking on my door, as though I suddenly had many unwanted guests. However, I do recall asking the Lord to help me grow in faith and other gifts (and I asked Him to do it gently, mercifully, and lovingly!).
He of course is a tender God, more tender than I could ever grasp with my heart, let alone my words! And so, here He has presented me with a trial. A trial through which my heart can most assuredly become a patient one.
Patience. It "is a virtue," they say! Well, it's actually a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22). It's something that comes from having the Holy Spirit in us, active in our lives. After all, what's patience without faith, hope, and love (see 1 Corinthians 13:13)? It can't exist without these virtues, hence why it is called a "fruit" of the Spirit. Patience isn't waiting. As the sign at the Christian Alliance Church near our house says, "It's how you wait." Now, when I read that my initial response was something like, "Ouch!" and a nervous laugh. The truth sets us free, and it can also sting when it touches a sensitive spot in our hearts, as it did mine.
Sadly, my thought had been for quite some time, "This is too good to be true! Really...when is this whole thing gonna turn out to be a lie?" PHWECK, what a thing to say! Sad, because I should have known that nothing GOOD is TOO GOOD to be true! That's a lie from satan. Really. To discourage and instill fear in our hearts. If you have a mindset like that, bring it to Jesus and bring that thought to Him and let Him redeem it by His Blood. He has created you for THE GREATEST GOOD!!!! EVER!!! Receive the goodness He gives you, as well as the trials and hardships. His Goodness will always triumph and have the last word, so don't be afraid!!
Anyway, the pure goodness of this new relationship was not shaken, but my faith, hope, and love were and are being tested.
So where shall I place my hope? My faith? In the love of Jesus. In the heart of our Father. In His most resilient, unshakable, and tender Spirit.
And so, in this season, His Word whispers beautifully and true within my heart. The one short phrase within one little verse of sacred Scripture is beating within my heart like blood that pumps life. It is:
"Love is patient." (from 1 Corinthians 13:4)
Love is patient.
God is patient.
God is patient.
God is faithful. He is our Father. He is our greatest Friend, our truest Way, our safest Captain, our most compassionate Ally. He is the One who wants us more than we want to be wanted. And He alone will fill that ache to be wanted and loved. Therefore, He is a patient parent, always listening, always bringing us back to Him, bringing our focus to rest on His gentle face. He is patient.
Is Christine patient? (And that question is not, "Is Christine waiting?" That's a given. It's not waiting. It's HOW WE WAIT.)
I know my answer is at times, thanks be to God, "Yes! By the grace of God I am patient in this or that area." But in this situation, it is a daily - no, more frequently - question and invitation, as my faith is being tested and tried.
However, if I am patient or impatient, does that change the patience, love, mercy, of God? Nope! It never could! He is unchanging, unchangeable, unwavering, unstoppable. He is Love. And Love is patient. So, let me be Love - let me be one with God --
He in me, I in Him!
This is my prayer. To become like Him, to be conformed to Him, to live in Faith, Hope, and Love.
This morning after Holy Mass, I was sitting with Jesus and kept hearing Him call me, "Come to me, come to me, Christine, come to me!" And as I sat there, nothing else mattered but that I was in Him, and He was in me. The image of two living circles meeting - not colliding! -- meeting and being so perfectly one that there was no telling the difference or even seeing two. Only One. And that is an image in my heart that I claim over my entire life, in Jesus' Holy and Precious Name. Let this be my reality. More than words, more than an image. Let it be my life, Lord! "I must decrease, He must increase."
So as I sit here writing and rambling, I want to close with the second clause of that sentence given above from Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. If anything, it tells us more what patience is, and more importantly, what Love is.
For he says, "Love is patient and kind." We are talking about a King and Shepherd, a Prince of Peace, who is not lording power and might in an intimidating way over us, the dumb little sheep that we are. No, He is gentle and kind. In His eyes...are Kindness and Mercy. A Love that beckons, a love that calls, a love that endures when we can't imagine enduring. There is a kindness in the eyes of our Lord that we must never fear.
And so, I am learning that there is a kindness in the plans of our Lord that we must never fear as well! A kindness in the trials and tests He lets us face. For me, that means letting Him love me in the trial period of waiting to be with my beloved fiance. It means opening my eyes to see Jesus Christ in the midst of all the ordinary, mundane realities I face each day. It means finding His greater purpose for this moment, and each moment, and praying to see with new eyes and a new heart.
Therefore I choose to let Patience in, to love the wait, to love IN the wait, to seek the Lord in the wait....to wait upon the Lord with a thankful, hopeful, and faithful heart. That I may be perfected and made whole, in love, to love, for Love. That I may in turn be called by God: "Patient...and Kind." For I am His, and He is mine.
After all, is this not an echo of a deeper yearning, longing, waiting to be with the Beloved? The One for whom we have been fashioned? The One in whom we live, move, and have our being? But cannot yet see face to face? Then may I truly love this little wait, for a glorious reward of a much greater wait with a much greater end awaits us all!
Amen.
Monday, December 30, 2013
Once Upon Original Glory...
There is truth in little corners of our lives
There are hints of it in songs and children's eyes
It's familiar like an ancient lullaby
What do I live for?
(from "Hosea's Wife", by Brooke Fraser)
(from "Hosea's Wife", by Brooke Fraser)
Hello, brothers and sisters. :) It has once again been a while since I've written in this blog. My brain has been, indeed, a JUNGLE of swirling tigers and whirling dervishes....!
Here's a quick update: I've finished my second year of NET, started my new job as a staff member with NET Ministries Australia, and celebrated my first Aussie Christmas!! Woohoo! Bring on the new year!
I'm now embarking on a new chapter of my life with a recurring, somewhat daunting question: Who am I?
Oddly enough, it's been uncomfortable for me to ask myself this question. I'll never forget that Sunday evening years ago when I attended Mass and was presented with an idea that'd never occurred to me: to ask Jesus, "Who do You say that I am?" and let Him tell me. Years later I can honestly say that, while I've desperately asked that question on occasion, I've also desperately neglected to open my heart to what His answer is.
These days, I profess that I am first and foremost a beloved daughter of the most High God - created in love, to love, for Love. Now to me, that's an amazing gift. That answers the whole "Who do you say that I am?" question, doesn't it? What more do I need to know, right?
But I guess a more important question is: Do I actually believe it?
I think there's a difference between thinking with your head and thinking with your heart. In my head, there is a tendency I have of viewing myself with judging, condemning eyes. I don't know if you're at all like me, but perhaps you share this tendency: of casting a negative hue on your image of who you are. That tendency has definitely been an easy "go-to" for me, especially these days as I transition from living as part of a team/family to being "on my own" in a city far away from home, beginning a whole new adventure that is lonelier than I expected. For some reason, my head has been telling me that if I'm feeling lonely, I deserve it; I belong there; I'm not yet worthy to belong; I've somehow messed things up; I've done it to myself; that's just who I am and who I'll always be.
I haven't mentioned yet that that's a GREAT STINKING PILE OF LIES! Really!! It's all NONSENSE!!
And yet, what is "sense" to me when all I notice is how I feel alone and devoid of light? How I feel ashamed for even feeling alone and devoid of light! In the midst of that muck, I kinda forget about what makes sense.
How important it is, then, to be reminded of that ever-burning light that radiates from deep within the heart! Yes! There IS glorious light in the midst of it all!
(the human heart!!)
Recently I stumbled upon a beautiful book by John Eldredge called Waking the Dead. There's a passage in it that was a breath of SWEET, FRESH AIR to my soul. My thoughts had been swimming in that big swamp of lies. I felt stuck and surrounded by sin, unworthiness, and shame. During this time however, some beautiful witnesses in my life helped soften my heart: they spoke truth to me, comforted me, validated my feelings, and reached out with genuine love. The way I see it, they were tilling the soil of my heart to receive some good seed that was very soon going to be planted. One day, I was watching a couple episodes of one of my favourite shows, Once Upon A Time. It's about fairy tale characters who, thanks to the curse of an evil queen, live in the present day and have forgotten their original identities. After I'd watched a couple of episodes, I took a break. I picked up Waking the Dead, and read about the concept of "original glory." Eldredge writes:
"We've heard a bit about original sin, but not nearly enough about original glory, which comes before sin and is deeper to our nature. We were crowned with glory and honor. Why does a woman long to be beautiful? Why does a man hope to be found brave? Because we remember, if only faintly, that we were once more than we are now." (p. 14, emphasis added)
Original glory. Read it again! It comes before sin and is deeper to our nature. I don't know about you, but when I read that I was like, "Wait - oh yeah, that ...makes sense!!" For if I've fallen into sin, I must have fallen from something. And that something is: Glory! Pure and simple. Eldredge is saying that sin is not the deepest part of our nature as humans: Beautiful GLORY is what is TRULY at the heart of human nature. It's already there, and has been there since we were formed. "We were crowned with glory and honor," and we were once more than we are now!
Perhaps it's thanks to a show about storybook characters and fairy tales and true love that it is now sinking into my heart that I was once more than what I am now. That at my core I am truly good. As a human being, my innermost being is grace and fire and light that can overcome any darkness I could possibly fall into. It's as though my whole life I've been striving for something more. Seeking something more. Thirsting for adventure. Doubting that things are as they seem. Acting upon a deep sense of knowing I'm made for more - whatever that "more" means. It's as though I've been living with a faint (if not lost) memory within, a deep knowing of a former glory that I once knew.
So let's kick some butt, shall we?
Have I known this in my head? Yes, for a couple years now. Have I believed it? In my heart, I think I've always "heart-known" it to be true. But have I believed it wholeheartedly? No. Soil needs tilling. For some reason, it is now sinking deep into my human heart that life - real life - is even better than a fairy tale. That I, as a woman, am a Beauty named Christine, who was made in True Love, for True Love...And I believe that True Love took flesh, died for me and for all, and defeated the grave. I believe His name is Jesus, Emmanuel, God-[is always!]with-us.
...If we've eyes to see, if we've ears to hear
To find it in our hearts and mouths
The word that saves is near
Shed that shallow skin, come and live again
(Brooke Fraser, "Hosea's Wife")
My question, to myself and to you, is: Do you believe this?
The character Henry from Once Upon A Time believes with unwavering, childlike faith: Good will win. Good always wins! And I can wholeheartedly say that I have that Goodness in me already! That original glory! Deeper to my nature than sin....in fact, that is who I am!
"If you are who you were made to be, you will set the world on fire."
St. Catherine of Siena
Amen.
Monday, June 24, 2013
Life on break
Hi all! I'm glad to be back on this blog, it's been a while. :)
So in an effort to relieve myself of any pressure for this to be long, profound, or worth the absence of posting, I'm gonna remind myself and you that this blog exists to give all the honour, glory, praise, and magnitude to God, and to his holy name JESUS!!!
I love that name.
So I'm currently enjoying an easy, carefree life. Hard to not feel guilty about it sometimes, but then I remember that what I receive on break is what will help me give fully what I've received. I'm staying at Robyn's family's rental house on the Gold Coast.
It's wonderful. Can't think of other words to use. Her family basically told us to do whatever we want, to rest, relax, and not feel tied or obligated to do anything. And Mama Pashula gave clear directions: "No ministry allowed while we're here! Only being ministered to." What a beautiful saint.
I've had plenty of time to lay in bed and roll around in the covers without any plan for the day. It's been great!! And really weird. Some highlights have been: shopping (finally replaced my sunglasses! and bought new jeans), skyping my sister Karen, sitting in sunlight!!!, watching movies with the fam and my fellow NET sisters (Bec, Maria, Kat, & Robyn), and going on a date with Kat - my pal from New Zealand. (who woulda thought we'd both stay on the Gold Coast 2 years later while on round 2 of NET??)
The biggest highlight has been my personal prayer every morning. Hands down. It has been a time where I drop everything and just be in God's presence. He is loving, to say the very least. Resting is great and necessary, but I get more strength and peace and LIFE when I sit with him and listen to what he's saying in my heart, through scripture, holy books, and just imagining me and him sitting on a park bench and telling Jesus how I honestly feel...and listening to what he says back.
Today Jesus was very direct. I've been battling a bit with memories, regret, insecurity, and feeling lost about my identity. I imagined walking up to Jesus and handing him everything. But he held what I'd given him in his hands and said, "Well, what would you like me to do with all of this?" I'm like WHAT???! You're God, you should know what to do with it. And Jesus very gently but firmly asks, "Do you want what is best?"
He had me there. Didn't know what to say, really, because in my heart I felt like I couldn't care less what happens to it. Jesus sat me down. Then he pulls out a music box. It wasn't playing, though occasionally it would make clicking sounds. I thought it was nice just as it is. It's cool, even if it's broken. Doesn't need to be fixed to be pretty.
But Jesus told me that unless the thing at the bottom is turned, stretched, as tight as it can be, the music box won't play as well as it was made to. It won't reach its fullest potential, won't be consistent, long-running, or sounding as beautiful and clear as it could. It's nice to look at, sure. But is it being the most it can be if it merely looks nice?
No. The truth is: no.
Confused, I asked God why I don't desire what's best for the music box, for things in my life, for me? He said it's because I'm used to settling for less. Settling for what is less than what is best for me. I found myself helpless in his arms. And to me Jesus said, "Is there any reason for you to be afraid?"
No. The answer is: no. There is no reason for me to be afraid.
Knowing that God loves me with all of his heart is enough to drive away all fear. Regardless of what I do, who I am, how I spend my break, what my plans are, what bad habits I struggle with, what my thoughts are - I am still loved.
This truth makes me excited for the rest of mid-year break. I look forward to finish reading Harry Potter number 6, watching some more movies, enjoying the beautiful sunshine, hanging out with the girls, and meeting Jesus in prayer every day. Before I know it, it'll be time for mid-year training: reuniting with the brothers, Roz!!!, the rest of the NET family; receiving more training and guidance, being refreshed and reminded of why I'm here, and recharging for the next half of a year in the beautiful parish of St. Fidelis in Coburg, VIC. God is good!! Can't wait to go back to St. Fidelis. Missing it heaps, and excited for what's in store!!!
So in an effort to relieve myself of any pressure for this to be long, profound, or worth the absence of posting, I'm gonna remind myself and you that this blog exists to give all the honour, glory, praise, and magnitude to God, and to his holy name JESUS!!!
I love that name.
So I'm currently enjoying an easy, carefree life. Hard to not feel guilty about it sometimes, but then I remember that what I receive on break is what will help me give fully what I've received. I'm staying at Robyn's family's rental house on the Gold Coast.
It's wonderful. Can't think of other words to use. Her family basically told us to do whatever we want, to rest, relax, and not feel tied or obligated to do anything. And Mama Pashula gave clear directions: "No ministry allowed while we're here! Only being ministered to." What a beautiful saint.
I've had plenty of time to lay in bed and roll around in the covers without any plan for the day. It's been great!! And really weird. Some highlights have been: shopping (finally replaced my sunglasses! and bought new jeans), skyping my sister Karen, sitting in sunlight!!!, watching movies with the fam and my fellow NET sisters (Bec, Maria, Kat, & Robyn), and going on a date with Kat - my pal from New Zealand. (who woulda thought we'd both stay on the Gold Coast 2 years later while on round 2 of NET??)
The biggest highlight has been my personal prayer every morning. Hands down. It has been a time where I drop everything and just be in God's presence. He is loving, to say the very least. Resting is great and necessary, but I get more strength and peace and LIFE when I sit with him and listen to what he's saying in my heart, through scripture, holy books, and just imagining me and him sitting on a park bench and telling Jesus how I honestly feel...and listening to what he says back.
Today Jesus was very direct. I've been battling a bit with memories, regret, insecurity, and feeling lost about my identity. I imagined walking up to Jesus and handing him everything. But he held what I'd given him in his hands and said, "Well, what would you like me to do with all of this?" I'm like WHAT???! You're God, you should know what to do with it. And Jesus very gently but firmly asks, "Do you want what is best?"
He had me there. Didn't know what to say, really, because in my heart I felt like I couldn't care less what happens to it. Jesus sat me down. Then he pulls out a music box. It wasn't playing, though occasionally it would make clicking sounds. I thought it was nice just as it is. It's cool, even if it's broken. Doesn't need to be fixed to be pretty.
But Jesus told me that unless the thing at the bottom is turned, stretched, as tight as it can be, the music box won't play as well as it was made to. It won't reach its fullest potential, won't be consistent, long-running, or sounding as beautiful and clear as it could. It's nice to look at, sure. But is it being the most it can be if it merely looks nice?
No. The truth is: no.
Confused, I asked God why I don't desire what's best for the music box, for things in my life, for me? He said it's because I'm used to settling for less. Settling for what is less than what is best for me. I found myself helpless in his arms. And to me Jesus said, "Is there any reason for you to be afraid?"
No. The answer is: no. There is no reason for me to be afraid.
Knowing that God loves me with all of his heart is enough to drive away all fear. Regardless of what I do, who I am, how I spend my break, what my plans are, what bad habits I struggle with, what my thoughts are - I am still loved.
This truth makes me excited for the rest of mid-year break. I look forward to finish reading Harry Potter number 6, watching some more movies, enjoying the beautiful sunshine, hanging out with the girls, and meeting Jesus in prayer every day. Before I know it, it'll be time for mid-year training: reuniting with the brothers, Roz!!!, the rest of the NET family; receiving more training and guidance, being refreshed and reminded of why I'm here, and recharging for the next half of a year in the beautiful parish of St. Fidelis in Coburg, VIC. God is good!! Can't wait to go back to St. Fidelis. Missing it heaps, and excited for what's in store!!!
"It is necessary to open ourselves once again
to the action of the Holy Spirit,
without fear of what he might ask us
or where he might lead us.
Let us entrust ourselves to him."
~ Pope Francis
Sunday, March 10, 2013
I'm a new creation...ever human, ever new!
It's been a while since I've written on this blog! I've been in Melbourne, at St. Fidelis Parish, since mid February. Our internet's been a bit dodgy, so I haven't yet had the chance to write...until now!
The past week has flown by SO quickly it's almost scary. I can hardly catch my breath and remember what's even happened recently! Life on team is buuuusssyyyy and overflowing with experiences and memories. Some highlights of my time here so far include:
Robyn, Roz, Joe, Justin, and I have been super busy, but that hasn't stopped us from bonding over intense card games, ice cream and khalua shakes, and the occasional "honouring." It's normal and encouraged for NET team members to honour each other in little and big ways. For example, those on our team who don't have the service of being a team leader surprised myself and Justin (my co-team leader) by cleaning our messy office, rearranging the furniture, writing affirming and supportive notes, hanging up scripture verses and inspiring quotes, and placing a little vase of flowers on the mantle. It's little things like this that make me feel incredibly loved and appreciated - and overwhelmed by how loved I am. Funnily enough, Justin and I had secretly been planning on surprising the other members that very night with our first Lord's Supper Saturday (a Christian way of celebrating the Sabbath in the line of our faith's Jewish roots)!! It was complete with wine and soy cheese (for us who aren't on good terms with lactose...), prayers, lively music, and a hot, delivered dinner of chicken and hot chips!!! So it was a very honourable day. :)
It's also customary for the sisters to honour our brothers, and vice versa. Here's what the girls did for our brothers:
(a special shout out to Fr. David for getting the guys to finally LEAVE the house so we could bombard their door with sisterly love!!)
Many of the parishioners have given generous gifts of food and money to my team. It's been a major highlight for me to experience firsthand what it means to be in want of a necessity and not being able to have it given me as I'm used to. Instead, my team and I have been relying on our God-Dad to give us what we need. An example of this happened last week. The five of us were planning out how we'd do our grocery run for the week with the $80 we had left. We said that God would eventually provide, but we were now feeling the stress of not knowing when and how in the meantime. We had plans for chilli con carne, we wanted garlic powder and spices, we needed flour, stir fry sauce, veggies, and then the essentials of bread, milk, and toilet paper! We spent quite a bit of time refining our list. I know I was getting frustrated. Especially with 5 differing opinions on what's the most frugal way to go about shopping, or what qualifies as "essential." Then we heard a knock on the door. Justin and Joe went out. They were gone for a bit, so I decided to see who came and what was up. Just then, Justin came in carrying a grocery bag full of food. I ran out to see who had come. The woman's name was Maria. She was so friendly and so generous. She had to leave but we hope to spend more time with her. If this weren't enough, we opened the bag of food only to find: a package for making chilli con carne, garlic powder, stir fry sauces, 2 different kinds of flour, canned corn, and a whole heap of other things (including JUICE!!!!). Wow. That is how our Father shows his love for us in obvious ways. It was a very humbling experience.
(I met this puppy during music training....one of the cutest things I've ever seen. I like thinking about how God loves me more than I love this puppy!)
I wish I had more time to blog, and I wish this blog was clearer and more focused - but these past several weeks have been all over the place. One thing remains: God's love NEVER fails. Jesus NEVER gives up on us. The Holy Spirit is constantly at work within and through us, making each of us a new creation. The beauty of a quiet, cozy street lined with trees and rose bushes, the gorgeous sunrise at 6am, the constellations and captivating sight of the night sky from the southern hemisphere, the sounds of the birds (of all sorts of colours!) outside in the trees or the bees buzzing in the flowers, the little red rose that a random old lady gave to me and my sisters on a day where I was feeling down and anxious - all of these things are beauty reflected in creation.
All of creation screams beauty, like a baby screams for the first time. It's undeniable. And yet God calls each and every one of us MORE beautiful, more precious, more delightful in his eyes than all of creation. Because his love for us is so much BIGGER than we can see. He loves all of creation of course, but he has chosen each one of us to be in relationship with him. To call him Father, Friend, Saviour, King, Brother, Spouse, Lover, Love. He loves us so much he gives us the choice, to choose whether we will live our lives as his sons and daughters. I have never known the joy or love or peace I've known since claiming that truth - that I am a precious daughter of a King who doesn't wait for me to come to him. Instead, he seeks me out. He's captured my attention. He does all this in order to give me the fullest, most satisfying, most joyful life I could know. He preferred being nailed to a cross as a naked criminal and despised man, rather than living without me in eternity. This love is love that doesn't stop at nice fuzzy feelings and saying with my mouth that I love him back. No, I must LIVE my life in HIM.
So I'm saying Yes. Yes to Jesus. Yes to LIFE. And yes to the journey he's currently taking me on. One which is full of ups and downs and struggles and tears and blessings and laughter. Living life with him is worth any pain, and any inconvenience that comes my way. For he has already begun transforming me into a new creation, one who is being nurtured and loved and challenged by the people around me, namely my team, and in a very special way my sisters on team, Roz and Robyn. We're currently on the same bed sharing each other's company. They have been a refuge and a safe haven for me this year. I've never experienced such a strong bond with young women my age who aren't flesh and blood sisters. They challenge, comfort, love, and fight for me every day. I'm caught in a new and life-giving experience of true sisterhood like I've never known.
I used to live life in my terms for my own purposes in the way that I wanted. This usually meant I was quite lonely deep down. That has been flipped upside down and around recently, and it seems so new to me - almost too good to be true. Am I always "happy" and care-free? NOPE! But I know that I'm loved. And that makes me want to love others.
The past week has flown by SO quickly it's almost scary. I can hardly catch my breath and remember what's even happened recently! Life on team is buuuusssyyyy and overflowing with experiences and memories. Some highlights of my time here so far include:
- meeting the parishioners(!) - and one of the Italian mamas' uncles lives in BEAVER FALLS, PA!!!!!!! (aka close to home!)
- running a year 6 reunion and going to a water park with older youth
- leading a mini-retreat at the nearby all girls' school
- our weekly Sunday night open houses and the rich discussions we get into (especially when our beloved Scottish priest Fr. Kevin is there!)
- experiencing some genuine and faithful friends who make us feel at home and offer numerous gifts of home-cooked meals (shout out to Jeff!)
- attending Mass every day and living 10 mins walk away from an adoration chapel!!
- running into familiar faces from my previous NET year in Melbourne
- sharing funny+meaningful dramas with the parishioners to help us as we go deeper in our faith
Robyn, Roz, Joe, Justin, and I have been super busy, but that hasn't stopped us from bonding over intense card games, ice cream and khalua shakes, and the occasional "honouring." It's normal and encouraged for NET team members to honour each other in little and big ways. For example, those on our team who don't have the service of being a team leader surprised myself and Justin (my co-team leader) by cleaning our messy office, rearranging the furniture, writing affirming and supportive notes, hanging up scripture verses and inspiring quotes, and placing a little vase of flowers on the mantle. It's little things like this that make me feel incredibly loved and appreciated - and overwhelmed by how loved I am. Funnily enough, Justin and I had secretly been planning on surprising the other members that very night with our first Lord's Supper Saturday (a Christian way of celebrating the Sabbath in the line of our faith's Jewish roots)!! It was complete with wine and soy cheese (for us who aren't on good terms with lactose...), prayers, lively music, and a hot, delivered dinner of chicken and hot chips!!! So it was a very honourable day. :)
It's also customary for the sisters to honour our brothers, and vice versa. Here's what the girls did for our brothers:
Many of the parishioners have given generous gifts of food and money to my team. It's been a major highlight for me to experience firsthand what it means to be in want of a necessity and not being able to have it given me as I'm used to. Instead, my team and I have been relying on our God-Dad to give us what we need. An example of this happened last week. The five of us were planning out how we'd do our grocery run for the week with the $80 we had left. We said that God would eventually provide, but we were now feeling the stress of not knowing when and how in the meantime. We had plans for chilli con carne, we wanted garlic powder and spices, we needed flour, stir fry sauce, veggies, and then the essentials of bread, milk, and toilet paper! We spent quite a bit of time refining our list. I know I was getting frustrated. Especially with 5 differing opinions on what's the most frugal way to go about shopping, or what qualifies as "essential." Then we heard a knock on the door. Justin and Joe went out. They were gone for a bit, so I decided to see who came and what was up. Just then, Justin came in carrying a grocery bag full of food. I ran out to see who had come. The woman's name was Maria. She was so friendly and so generous. She had to leave but we hope to spend more time with her. If this weren't enough, we opened the bag of food only to find: a package for making chilli con carne, garlic powder, stir fry sauces, 2 different kinds of flour, canned corn, and a whole heap of other things (including JUICE!!!!). Wow. That is how our Father shows his love for us in obvious ways. It was a very humbling experience.
I wish I had more time to blog, and I wish this blog was clearer and more focused - but these past several weeks have been all over the place. One thing remains: God's love NEVER fails. Jesus NEVER gives up on us. The Holy Spirit is constantly at work within and through us, making each of us a new creation. The beauty of a quiet, cozy street lined with trees and rose bushes, the gorgeous sunrise at 6am, the constellations and captivating sight of the night sky from the southern hemisphere, the sounds of the birds (of all sorts of colours!) outside in the trees or the bees buzzing in the flowers, the little red rose that a random old lady gave to me and my sisters on a day where I was feeling down and anxious - all of these things are beauty reflected in creation.
All of creation screams beauty, like a baby screams for the first time. It's undeniable. And yet God calls each and every one of us MORE beautiful, more precious, more delightful in his eyes than all of creation. Because his love for us is so much BIGGER than we can see. He loves all of creation of course, but he has chosen each one of us to be in relationship with him. To call him Father, Friend, Saviour, King, Brother, Spouse, Lover, Love. He loves us so much he gives us the choice, to choose whether we will live our lives as his sons and daughters. I have never known the joy or love or peace I've known since claiming that truth - that I am a precious daughter of a King who doesn't wait for me to come to him. Instead, he seeks me out. He's captured my attention. He does all this in order to give me the fullest, most satisfying, most joyful life I could know. He preferred being nailed to a cross as a naked criminal and despised man, rather than living without me in eternity. This love is love that doesn't stop at nice fuzzy feelings and saying with my mouth that I love him back. No, I must LIVE my life in HIM.
So I'm saying Yes. Yes to Jesus. Yes to LIFE. And yes to the journey he's currently taking me on. One which is full of ups and downs and struggles and tears and blessings and laughter. Living life with him is worth any pain, and any inconvenience that comes my way. For he has already begun transforming me into a new creation, one who is being nurtured and loved and challenged by the people around me, namely my team, and in a very special way my sisters on team, Roz and Robyn. We're currently on the same bed sharing each other's company. They have been a refuge and a safe haven for me this year. I've never experienced such a strong bond with young women my age who aren't flesh and blood sisters. They challenge, comfort, love, and fight for me every day. I'm caught in a new and life-giving experience of true sisterhood like I've never known.
I used to live life in my terms for my own purposes in the way that I wanted. This usually meant I was quite lonely deep down. That has been flipped upside down and around recently, and it seems so new to me - almost too good to be true. Am I always "happy" and care-free? NOPE! But I know that I'm loved. And that makes me want to love others.
Jesus, thank you for coming to me and being my friend. Thank you for dying for me - and for not stopping there! Thank you for the love you have for me which conquers sin and death. I'm praising you for the glory of your resurrection and the love you call me to each and every day. Make me a new creation!
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
2 Corinthians 5:17-21
Friday, January 11, 2013
On the road again
Well, I've been in Brisbane since the very first day of the year 2013. Recently I finished a four-day-long stint of intensive music training at BEAT music school, which is annually run by the charismatic Catholic music community, emmanuelworship (check em out at http://www.emmanuelworship.com/home.cfm). There I reunited with many familiar faces from last year, as well as many new ones. Our common goal: to grow in the gifts God has given us to use music as a tool for spreading His gospel of love. The training ended in a showcase of leading worship, which is surprisingly different than a final performance - basically, we all worked together in bands to lead the rest in praise and worship, not to prove whose talent ranks the highest. What an amazing gift. BEAT really fired me up to use music in a way that brings hope amidst darkness.
I've always been passionate about music. For a while I put it aside, mainly during university when I was more focused on achieving success in acting while beginning to discern a call to "give up" the acting dream and live as a religious sister. Anyways, there was a time of my life in the past couple of years where things I've always been passionate about didn't matter to me. This is now changing. Thanks to my journey with NET Ministries, I've been taking some little leaps of faith that have opened up a whole realm of seemingly impossible things.
Fall in Love
Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart
and what amazes you with joy an gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
(Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J.)
Amen!
I've always been passionate about music. For a while I put it aside, mainly during university when I was more focused on achieving success in acting while beginning to discern a call to "give up" the acting dream and live as a religious sister. Anyways, there was a time of my life in the past couple of years where things I've always been passionate about didn't matter to me. This is now changing. Thanks to my journey with NET Ministries, I've been taking some little leaps of faith that have opened up a whole realm of seemingly impossible things.
Much like Indy here, God is revealing things to me that have actually been right below my nose/eyes/feet, but that I never looked at through the eyes of faith. It's only now starting to sink in that my gifts for leading worship are not mine to keep and do with as I will. I've seen firsthand that people have come closer to Jesus when I've led music - I can happily say that, because all I've had to do is say "Yes!". He's the one who works the wonders, who'se created sweet music, passionate music, heartwrenchingly beautiful music. If it's moved you in a way you can't explain and it's made you feel a peace like no other, I'm willing to bet it was your Father very intimately touching your heart and letting you feel His love in a way you might not be able to put into words. He's brought healing to my life through music, so I can at least speak for myself.
An example of this is found in the significance of a random purchase of mine recently before Christmas. I went to the Family Christian store and bought Hillsong's "Cornerstone" album. Didn't actually want it, didn't know any of the songs except for one, but I bought it anyway, somewhat feeling silly for doing so especially since I wasn't all that excited about it. Eventually I got to know some of the songs really well, including the title track Cornerstone. Once I'd left Pittsburgh, traveled to Texas, to LA, and finally to Brisbane, my new year consisted of feelings of nothing but a restless heart. I had all sorts of mixed emotions and felt distant from God. Attending BEAT was a good distraction for these feelings, but at the end of the day they were still there. Then we celebrated the Eucharist on Sunday during training, which was followed by pizza and a night of praise and worship. The night was called Heartbeat, and was called a Holy Spirit night. I felt thirsty for it, and was stoked when it finally began. My heart was going on a rollercoaster ride at Heartbeat. I got to a place where I just wanted to gaze at Jesus in my heart and not worry about getting lyrics right or anything - just to have a moment with Jesus. That's when the emmanuelworship band started playing Cornerstone. I started crying and my heart was so filled and overflowing with longing, love, peace, joy, and an undeniable knowledge in every bit of me that Jesus Christ was gazing at me, loving me, with passion in His eyes.
"Where would we be if Jesus was not fierce and wild and romantic to the core? Come to think of it, we wouldn't be at all if God hadn't taken that enormous risk of creating us in the first place."
(Wild At Heart, John Eldredge)
(Wild At Heart, John Eldredge)
Reading Wild At Heart has helped instill in me the knowledge of God's untamable love and passion. A love that will never fade, never fail, and will always be with us. Emmanuel = God is with us. I believe that He wants us to share in everything He has, so comes to us! Always, He's there! He's created us in His image and likeness. He longs to do GREAT things with us. Don't write off your desires. Investigate them. What are your passions? Hand them over to God and just wait and see how He'll surprise you with joy you've never imagined. He fulfills like no other. And He has a plan for you, a very specific plan.
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
(Howard Thurman)
(Howard Thurman)
A good priest from my parents' parish once advised me that I'll know if something is right for me if it makes me feel alive. That prompted me to go to New Zealand, and to eventually go to Australia...and then to continue another year in Australia. Through many little and big leaps of faith I've rediscovered what I'm passionate about. A big one is my passion for music. I've experienced how ALIVE I am when the worship music I play brings people to the heart of Jesus. Never felt more alive. It's like being in love! "The glory of God is man fully alive," as St. Irenaus once said. Amen! Jesus has brought me life through music, and I'm confident that He wants to see me fully alive, because He loves me. And He certainly knows how to woo my heart. Wow. All I have to do is put on music after a difficult day and boy does He draw me into His heart. <3
Jesus, I want to fall in love with you.
Thank you for your passionate love for me, for loving me first.
For desiring me, creating me, dying for me, and rising
so that I'd share everything with You.
I want to love each and every human person as passionately as you love me.
Open my eyes and open my heart, and take away my fear.
Jesus alive in me, here's my heart! It's yours. Keep it forever.
Give me the grace to stay in love with you always until I see you face to face for all eternity.
Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart
and what amazes you with joy an gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
(Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J.)
Amen!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)