I've always been passionate about music. For a while I put it aside, mainly during university when I was more focused on achieving success in acting while beginning to discern a call to "give up" the acting dream and live as a religious sister. Anyways, there was a time of my life in the past couple of years where things I've always been passionate about didn't matter to me. This is now changing. Thanks to my journey with NET Ministries, I've been taking some little leaps of faith that have opened up a whole realm of seemingly impossible things.
Much like Indy here, God is revealing things to me that have actually been right below my nose/eyes/feet, but that I never looked at through the eyes of faith. It's only now starting to sink in that my gifts for leading worship are not mine to keep and do with as I will. I've seen firsthand that people have come closer to Jesus when I've led music - I can happily say that, because all I've had to do is say "Yes!". He's the one who works the wonders, who'se created sweet music, passionate music, heartwrenchingly beautiful music. If it's moved you in a way you can't explain and it's made you feel a peace like no other, I'm willing to bet it was your Father very intimately touching your heart and letting you feel His love in a way you might not be able to put into words. He's brought healing to my life through music, so I can at least speak for myself.
An example of this is found in the significance of a random purchase of mine recently before Christmas. I went to the Family Christian store and bought Hillsong's "Cornerstone" album. Didn't actually want it, didn't know any of the songs except for one, but I bought it anyway, somewhat feeling silly for doing so especially since I wasn't all that excited about it. Eventually I got to know some of the songs really well, including the title track Cornerstone. Once I'd left Pittsburgh, traveled to Texas, to LA, and finally to Brisbane, my new year consisted of feelings of nothing but a restless heart. I had all sorts of mixed emotions and felt distant from God. Attending BEAT was a good distraction for these feelings, but at the end of the day they were still there. Then we celebrated the Eucharist on Sunday during training, which was followed by pizza and a night of praise and worship. The night was called Heartbeat, and was called a Holy Spirit night. I felt thirsty for it, and was stoked when it finally began. My heart was going on a rollercoaster ride at Heartbeat. I got to a place where I just wanted to gaze at Jesus in my heart and not worry about getting lyrics right or anything - just to have a moment with Jesus. That's when the emmanuelworship band started playing Cornerstone. I started crying and my heart was so filled and overflowing with longing, love, peace, joy, and an undeniable knowledge in every bit of me that Jesus Christ was gazing at me, loving me, with passion in His eyes.
"Where would we be if Jesus was not fierce and wild and romantic to the core? Come to think of it, we wouldn't be at all if God hadn't taken that enormous risk of creating us in the first place."
(Wild At Heart, John Eldredge)
(Wild At Heart, John Eldredge)
Reading Wild At Heart has helped instill in me the knowledge of God's untamable love and passion. A love that will never fade, never fail, and will always be with us. Emmanuel = God is with us. I believe that He wants us to share in everything He has, so comes to us! Always, He's there! He's created us in His image and likeness. He longs to do GREAT things with us. Don't write off your desires. Investigate them. What are your passions? Hand them over to God and just wait and see how He'll surprise you with joy you've never imagined. He fulfills like no other. And He has a plan for you, a very specific plan.
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
(Howard Thurman)
(Howard Thurman)
A good priest from my parents' parish once advised me that I'll know if something is right for me if it makes me feel alive. That prompted me to go to New Zealand, and to eventually go to Australia...and then to continue another year in Australia. Through many little and big leaps of faith I've rediscovered what I'm passionate about. A big one is my passion for music. I've experienced how ALIVE I am when the worship music I play brings people to the heart of Jesus. Never felt more alive. It's like being in love! "The glory of God is man fully alive," as St. Irenaus once said. Amen! Jesus has brought me life through music, and I'm confident that He wants to see me fully alive, because He loves me. And He certainly knows how to woo my heart. Wow. All I have to do is put on music after a difficult day and boy does He draw me into His heart. <3
Jesus, I want to fall in love with you.
Thank you for your passionate love for me, for loving me first.
For desiring me, creating me, dying for me, and rising
so that I'd share everything with You.
I want to love each and every human person as passionately as you love me.
Open my eyes and open my heart, and take away my fear.
Jesus alive in me, here's my heart! It's yours. Keep it forever.
Give me the grace to stay in love with you always until I see you face to face for all eternity.
Nothing is more practical than
finding God, than
falling in Love
in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends, what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart
and what amazes you with joy an gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
(Fr. Pedro Arrupe, S.J.)
Amen!
