You in me, I in You - a love that is patient and kind

Lord Jesus, help me to write with love, clarity, focus, and a hopeful heart.

Hello, reader!  I've returned once again to this blog.  There is a need within me to give from a place in my heart from which I find it's difficult to give.  Been in an ongoing stepping process - a walk of faith of some sorts - in these most recent months, and the fruit of it all is so mysterious and hidden; yet I still find that I have some "seeds" in my pocket yet to sow.

For many months now, many opportunities to grow in patience have arisen and come knocking on my door, as though I suddenly had many unwanted guests.  However, I do recall asking the Lord to help me grow in faith and other gifts (and I asked Him to do it gently, mercifully, and lovingly!).

He of course is a tender God, more tender than I could ever grasp with my heart, let alone my words!  And so, here He has presented me with a trial.  A trial through which my heart can most assuredly become a patient one.

Patience.  It "is a virtue," they say!  Well, it's actually a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22).  It's something that comes from having the Holy Spirit in us, active in our lives.  After all, what's patience without faith, hope, and love (see 1 Corinthians 13:13)?  It can't exist without these virtues, hence why it is called a "fruit" of the Spirit. Patience isn't waiting.  As the sign at the Christian Alliance Church near our house says, "It's how you wait."  Now, when I read that my initial response was something like, "Ouch!" and a nervous laugh.  The truth sets us free, and it can also sting when it touches a sensitive spot in our hearts, as it did mine.

Ever since February of 2014, I have been blessed (beyond words!) to be in a relationship with my dearest, dearest friend.  A man I admire, a man I respect, someone who cherishes me, pursues me, knows me deeply, loves me unconditionally; a man who makes me grow more into the "me" that God created.  He teaches me, challenges me, encourages me, listens to me, discovers life with me, sees me with pure eyes and a pure soul, seeks my good above his own.  And above all he is a man after my Lord's heart.  What a treasure, what a pearl of great price!!  A gift from Jesus, the first Lover of my soul, the Author of our lives and thus the Author of our little love story.  Funnily enough, I didn't choose that we met, or that my vocation to Love would reveal itself to take the form of pursuing married life with my best friend.  But I was at a point in life where I was open and abandoned to the Will of the Lord for how He designed me to love and lay my life down on this earth.  Again, that was another gift of grace that is mysterious to me. Not in my strength at all, but in His.  He seamlessly unfurled a loving friendship in His own time, and it was perfect.  The experience was innocent, full of wonder, fresh.  Unknown, curious, and always intentional.  Ups and downs were present from the start - of course!  But so was Grace.  The Spirit of Love.  Hope.  Faith.

Sadly, my thought had been for quite some time, "This is too good to be true!  Really...when is this whole thing gonna turn out to be a lie?"  PHWECK, what a thing to say!  Sad, because I should have known that nothing GOOD is TOO GOOD to be true!  That's a lie from satan.  Really.  To discourage and instill fear in our hearts.  If you have a mindset like that, bring it to Jesus and bring that thought to Him and let Him redeem it by His Blood.  He has created you for THE GREATEST GOOD!!!!  EVER!!!  Receive the goodness He gives you, as well as the trials and hardships.  His Goodness will always triumph and have the last word, so don't be afraid!!

Anyway, the pure goodness of this new relationship was not shaken, but my faith, hope, and love were and are being tested.

My beloved man and I are separated by oceans.  This has been a challenge in our relationship.  A GREAT challenge for me personally. I forgot to mention that since January of this year (2015), I have been engaged to this incredible man.  Talk about a blessed season of life!  And I think it is this reason that makes this time of waiting even more painful, the invitation and door-knocking of brother Patience even more unwanted as a guest.  And yet this is crunch time!!  This is when the Lord wants us to go deeper into Him, and be conformed in our hearts to Love, most importantly, and to Faith and Hope.  I'm just finding it really difficult and that I'm a bit stubborn to fully surrender to the wait that is inevitable in long-distance relationships.

So where shall I place my hope?  My faith?  In the love of Jesus.  In the heart of our Father.  In His most resilient, unshakable, and tender Spirit.

And so, in this season, His Word whispers beautifully and true within my heart.  The one short phrase within one little verse of sacred Scripture is beating within my heart like blood that pumps life.  It is:

"Love is patient."  (from 1 Corinthians 13:4)

Love is patient.

God is patient.

God is patient.

God is faithful.  He is our Father.  He is our greatest Friend, our truest Way, our safest Captain, our most compassionate Ally.  He is the One who wants us more than we want to be wanted.  And He alone will fill that ache to be wanted and loved.  Therefore, He is a patient parent, always listening, always bringing us back to Him, bringing our focus to rest on His gentle face.  He is patient.

Is Christine patient?  (And that question is not, "Is Christine waiting?"  That's a given.  It's not waiting.  It's HOW WE WAIT.)

I know my answer is at times, thanks be to God, "Yes!  By the grace of God I am patient in this or that area."  But in this situation, it is a daily - no, more frequently - question and invitation, as my faith is being tested and tried.

However, if I am patient or impatient, does that change the patience, love, mercy, of God?  Nope!  It never could!  He is unchanging, unchangeable, unwavering, unstoppable.  He is Love.  And Love is patient.  So, let me be Love - let me be one with God --

He in me, I in Him!

This is my prayer.  To become like Him, to be conformed to Him, to live in Faith, Hope, and Love.

This morning after Holy Mass, I was sitting with Jesus and kept hearing Him call me, "Come to me, come to me, Christine, come to me!"  And as I sat there, nothing else mattered but that I was in Him, and He was in me.  The image of two living circles meeting - not colliding! -- meeting and being so perfectly one that there was no telling the difference or even seeing two.  Only One.  And that is an image in my heart that I claim over my entire life, in Jesus' Holy and Precious Name.  Let this be my reality.  More than words, more than an image.  Let it be my life, Lord!  "I must decrease, He must increase."

So as I sit here writing and rambling, I want to close with the second clause of that sentence given above from Paul's first letter to the Corinthians.  If anything, it tells us more what patience is, and more importantly, what Love is.

 For he says, "Love is patient and kind."  We are talking about a King and Shepherd, a Prince of Peace, who is not lording power and might in an intimidating way over us, the dumb little sheep that we are.  No, He is gentle and kind.  In His eyes...are Kindness and Mercy.  A Love that beckons, a love that calls, a love that endures when we can't imagine enduring.  There is a kindness in the eyes of our Lord that we must never fear.

And so, I am learning that there is a kindness in the plans of our Lord that we must never fear as well!  A kindness in the trials and tests He lets us face.  For me, that means letting Him love me in the trial period of waiting to be with my beloved fiance.  It means opening my eyes to see Jesus Christ in the midst of all the ordinary, mundane realities I face each day.  It means finding His greater purpose for this moment, and each moment, and praying to see with new eyes and a new heart.

Therefore I choose to let Patience in, to love the wait, to love IN the wait, to seek the Lord in the wait....to wait upon the Lord with a thankful, hopeful, and faithful heart.  That I may be perfected and made whole, in love, to love, for Love.  That I may in turn be called by God: "Patient...and Kind."  For I am His, and He is mine.

After all, is this not an echo of a deeper yearning, longing, waiting to be with the Beloved?  The One for whom we have been fashioned?  The One in whom we live, move, and have our being?  But cannot yet see face to face?  Then may I truly love this little wait, for a glorious reward of a much greater wait with a much greater end awaits us all!

Amen.